Cake Or Death?

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Your Uncle Rapes Billy Goats, Too…

Posted by Chad on November 21, 2005

It’s true. There is really no better way to turn kids on to the issue of animal cruelty than to make their parents out to be monsters.


Yes, Virginia. That’s your father maniacally gutting a fish in his business suit and angler hat with a sadistic Excorcist-esque grin on his face.

The “comic book” warns children:

Until your daddy learns that it’s not ‘fun’ to kill, keep your doggies and kitties away from him. He’s so hooked on killing defenseless animals that they could be next!

Charming.

Uh-oh Virginia! Looks like your mommy’s taking some time out from her chocolate chip cookies to repeatedly stab poor Thumper! It’s probably so she can get some lining for a new coat so daddy will think she’s still sexy and stop boning his “fishing buddy”.

And don’t think she’ll stop with Thumper fur either. Oh no. Once mommy gets it in her head that that it’s ok to kill for fur, she’ll come after your puppy, Peter. You can see it in her eyes. Just look! Bitch is crazy!!

Honest. To. God.

CoD? Disclaimer: I know this stuff is old news, but I lived in a Kenmore washer/dryer combo box my first two and a half years in the city, so… I missed it. I’m slowly playing catch-up. And shhhhh!! Don’t tell me who won the ’04 election yet. I wanna try and guess.

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