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March Madness

Posted by Chad on March 14, 2006

‘Tis the season folks.  The bracket for the men’s tourney came out yesterday and I spent the better portion of my Monday evening guessing, refining, second-guessing, and randomly pulling picks out of my ass.

Now, basketball and I have never been the best of friends.  Back in highschool, I was pulled aside by my gym teacher, Mr. Tubs, so he could instruct me one-on-one on how to execute a simple lay-up.  There’s the rest of the class, scrimmaging half-court as coordinated boys are wont to do, and there’s me at the other end of the gym working with the shorter, pudgier twin of Richard Dawson, trying in vain to get that damn ball through that shit net as gracefully as I fucking can. 

Scarred.  For.  Life.

To this day, I will not play the game.  Won’t even go for a friendly round of HORSE.

Yet for some reason, I feel justified in betting on an entire tournament.  I’m sure if I had a shrink, they’d tell me this is an attempt to overcome past demons.  Kinda’ like having someone put a boa constrictor around your neck to help you over your fear of snakes, only not as dramatic, with fewer screams of horror, and less pee-pee in the pants. 

Personally, I look at it as a win-win situation, as no one really expects the gay kid to “call it” anyway – no harm, no foul if my picks aren’t even in the vicinity of being correct.  However, if the planets align properly, and I manage to win the office pool, well… that’s shit-talkin’ rights for at least the next year.

So here are my two picks for the Championship Game (yeah, I bet twice):

– Kansas vs. UConn with Kansas winning.

– Duke vs. UConn with UConn winning.

…. Let the trash taking begin.



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